It’s been quite awhile since I have posted on here – life has a way of getting crazy and things fall through the cracks! Things are ever changing in our household, so I’ll be sure to have lots of info and updates and life tips that we have learned along the way that hopefully you can find useful.
I am hoping to start posting again soon, so hang tight!
Having just finished dinner, I started thinking about how my menu has changed since I got married. I grew up in a family that was all meat and potatoes. A meal just wasn’t good if it wasn’t meat and potatoes..and maybe vegetables.
Marrying a Filipino? Yeah. That changed that quickly! Anyone who knows Filipinos will know that it’s rice three times a day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner….snack too. Very good thing I like rice–although I do have my limit, and sometimes potatoes sound sooooo yummy especially as they are now a rare side dish in our house. I never even thought of eating rice with my breakfast. Although, I must say I think I have adjusted rather well to eating rice frequently. And rice and bacon do actually taste pretty good together….and I did tell him when we got married he would have his rice since we were living in the US…and he does make potatoes sometimes, especially if I’m having a bad day:)
Not just rice though. For various reasons, my dear sweet better half does a lot of the cooking in our house. While he does sometimes make Filipino dishes (his lumpia is seriously the best in this world!!!), he tries to make American dishes too (or Polish. His stuffed cabbage is SOOO delicious, it is my family’s favorite dish that he makes! Just trust me. It’s perfect.), but somehow they always end up having just a hint of Filipino taste to it anyway. But I love him for trying!
I wonder if anyone else married to a foriegner has had the same experience with their dinner and lunch menus changing……
I know. This was kind of a random post. Just my own musings after dinner:) We had fried chicken and rice….it was deliciouso!
Long distance relationships can be tough.
I know. I am stating the obvious. So, let’s get to the point. I think anyone in a long distance relationship can use all the help they can get to get through the time they are separated from their loved one. This is a list of the 6 tips (in no particular order) I would give anyone in a long distance relationship-especially an international one, like mine was.
1) Block out negative comments.
Trust me. You will receive many pessimistic comments, questions, and “looks” from many people. Some may not even say a word to you, but you know they’re thinking you are crazy, lost all common sense, and setting yourself up for disaster. You know they are shaking their head at you. Other people won’t be so shy about it and will tell you that it’s impossible and will never work out.
If you don’t want distance to be the cause of your breakup, you have to block these people out. I’m not suggesting to be rude to them (although I have to say it is tempting, isn’t it?? Especially after a long day???). Just simply smile and walk away, letting their comments go in one ear and out the other. They don’t understand. They can’t.
2) Pray.
Prayer was a huge help for me in getting through my long distance relationship. It helped me when I was down, when I was feeling hopeless, when I was worried and when I couldn’t stand the distance any more. Knowing God was taking care of me and Mar and that He was always there to listen to me was a tremendous comfort.
3) Talk, Skype everyday.
Seriously. No matter how busy you are, find a way to talk, especially Skype, everyday-even if it’s only for a few minutes. Communication is vital. You miss the actual presence of your SO so you need to make up for it in the only way you can-communication! It helps show the other person that they mean something to you, they are important to you, and helps build and maintain their trust. It also helps you trust them.
Mar and I Skyped everyday. For hours.I am not kidding. I really don’t know what we talked about, but I guess it was probably everything under the sun. Some of my friends were amazed that we could find that much to talk about, but somehow there was very little silence during those Skype sessions. Of course, there were those days that popped up once in awhile that we couldn’t talk for hours, but even then we managed a short Skype visit, or a quick phone calls, or a simple text message-something. Anything. I know not everyone can talk as long as we did everyday, but I can honestly say that talking everyday, in some way, was very important in making the distance bearable.
4) Use “snail mail”
Yes, I am aware of shipping rates, especially international ones, but it is worth it. While emails and texts are nice and good, there is just something about receiving something tangible in the mail. It’s just different. It has a special way of bringing a smile to your face, and lifting your spirits. Receiving something in the mail makes the relationship feel more “real”.
Mar used to send me cards every once in awhile and I remember how it always lifted my spirits for days. Sometimes it had his scent of cologne on it too:)
5) Visit as often as possible.
Yes, I know this might seem like a no brainier, but I think many people might opt not to visit in order to save money. Honestly, I am all about saving money, especially when you are trying to prepare for your future. However, some things are more important. I am SO glad I spent the money to visit Mar in the Philippines. It was such a relief to be able to talk to him and see him in person, without internet signals interrupting us! We made so many memories together! Plus, I got to meet his family and see his culture.
I’m not saying to go and spend every dollar you earn on traveling. You obviously need to be prudent. I am saying that whenever it’s possible you should consider going to visit your special someone. It’s a good investment. I don’t regret any of the money I spent on traveling to visit him:)
6) Find other people in a long distance relationship.
I think this is important in keeping your moral up and knowing that you can do this and get through this. It helps you know that you are not abnormal or totally crazy and knowing that the things you feel are normal. If there isn’t anyone in your area that is in a long distance relationship then go online. There are many blogs, forums, etc that you can find online. It will help you a lot to know that you are not alone in this.
So, there you have it. Just my little two cents (or should I say six cents? 😉 on what you can do that might help get you through this time of being in a long distance relationship. I hope it helps:)
Dear Girl,
So you have ended up in a long distance relationship. Your SO has is miles away and you feel lonely and empty inside. You are confused and wonder why does it have to be this way. You want to just sit and cry.
Well, my friend, I can’t take away the pain you feel being separated from the one you love. I hope you know you aren’t alone. There are many others who have been right where you are at. I am one of them. I know how it feels. I know the pain. Let me tell you part of the journey you are about to take. You have a long road ahead of you. You will feel discouraged, but don’t give up. You can make it. Never forget why you started and always remind yourself that the distance is temporary and one day you will be with him, never to be separated again.
When you go out you will suddenly notice all the couples around you that you never noticed before. They will come out of the woodwork. In front you in church, walking beside you as you walk down the street, at the next table in the restaurant. You will watch them. You won’t be able to stop yourself. They will be laughing, smiling, talking, happily oblivious to everything except each other. They will be an ever constant reminder that your loved one isn’t with you. It will feel as if they are throwing it in your face. You will feel jealous and angry that they have the privilege of being together but here you are all alone. You will feel as if you have been robbed of something. Yet you will feel happy for them too. Happy that they don’t have to experience the sadness of being apart. Realize that you wouldn’t wish this on anyone and breath a quick prayer that the couple you see will never take for granted the joy of simply being in each other’s company.
Some of your friends, acquaintances, and co workers will tell you it’s too hard, to give up, it’ll never work out. You can’t listen to them. Block it out. They don’t understand. Smile at them, at their concern for you, but no, they can’t understand it. When true love has been found distance cannot break it, it will weather the storm and come out the stronger.
Trust in each other will become difficult, but essential. You will have your fears. You will wonder about who has talked to, where was, and if he is telling the truth. It will happen. You must let go of your unfounded fears. If you don’t it will wear down both you and your relationship. When it has ended your trust in each other will also have stood the test and be stronger.
Your day will revolve around when he is going to call or Skype with you. And you must invest time in those calls. You will look forward and count down the hours until the time he will call. Your heart will thrill when you see his number calling your phone, or when you hear the Skype ring as you patiently await him. You will build memories from those calls and Skype times. You will learn how to communicate with each other. When the distance has closed someday, you won’t easily take his presence for granted.
You will count down the time until you can visit with him. You will start counting the months, then weeks, days, hours. You will invent all sorts of new systems for counting down in order to make it sound sooner. When you do finally meet, you will enjoy each other’s company more than any other couple! You will hold onto those memories after you have said your goodbyes and they will keep you going until you can visit again. They will be very special memories.
My dear girl, as in all relationships, you will fight. Having a fight long distance is not the same. It hurts worse. It cuts deeper. Sometimes phones reception or Skype signals are bad and your words are misunderstood, adding to the tension. You can’t reach out to the other person as easily. When they put down the phone there is no more that you can do. These fights will help you though, they will help you communicate with each other better. They will make future disagreements easier to get through because you have learned how to work through them.
You will feel discouraged. You will ask yourself if it is worth all the effort. You will cry. You will wonder if it’s normal to feel the discouragement, the frustration, the doubt. It is. Don’t give up. You can make it through. It is only a matter of time. You are not alone. God is with you. God is with him too. You are in the company of many other people going through the same thing. You will make it through and in so many ways you will be stronger from it, both as a person and as a couple. You will be reunited with him. Dream of that day. Hold onto your memories together. Don’t let the distance separate you or tear you apart or paralyze you with fear. Prove to the world that your love is stronger than that. Don’t give up. You can do it.
I never thought I’d find myself in an international long distance relationship. The thought never crossed my mind!
I met my SO in person, in the United States, near my house. We lived miles apart for over a year. We were friends. Then, that changed and we became more than just friends. Problem was, he was headed back to the Philippines. His visa was about to expire and he had to go back– Leaving me 13,000 miles behind and our relationship totally up in the air in limbo.
I will never forget that day he left. I was crying. He was crying. My mom, my sisters….everyone was crying as he walked away, passed airport security, and stopped to take one last look back at me before passing out of sight to his terminal. I remember that last look. That smile and nod. And I remember silently making my way back to the car with my mom and sisters who had come along so I wouldn’t be too lonely driving home. I remember the long drive home. I remember the tears. I remember the pain. I remembered the fear, the uncertainty, the questions, the doubt, the loneliness.
I remember the next day…at work, constantly looking at the clock and mentally calculating where he would be and what time it was where he was at. Then came the first Skype call. We had agreed to be online at a certain time so we wouldn’t have to pay for any international calls or text. We talked for several hours, the whole time my thoughts were a jumbled mess,
“Oh good, he made it safe!”
“So. this is how it will be….can I do this? Will we make it through?”
“How the heck did I end up like this?!”
“This isn’t fair!”
And the ever present, “I only know I miss him, I want him here!”
But. We had determined to make do with what we had. He loved me and I loved him so we were prepared to go through the fire. So we settled into our new life. Looking back, as difficult as it was, and although I doubt anyone would actually chose long distance if they were given the choice, our relationship wasn’t so bad. We truly learned to make do with what we had and since we were determined to never give up, we made the most of it, looked for the good in it and created our own unique set of memories. And now that we are together and weathered the storm? I wouldn’t trade it for the world!!
Perhaps it is true that our relationship wasn’t ideal, and many might say totally crazy, but in many ways it was actually normal. We still laughed, we still cried, we still fought, we hurt, we apologized, we forgave, we trusted, we talked, we played, and we prayed. Oh we definitely prayed. Without Our Lord, I am sure I would’ve lost heart and hope. One of my greatest comforts was visiting Our Lord at Church at the same time as my SO. It was those times that I felt closest to him. When I knew we were both kneeling before God, Who was holding us both close to His heart, right next to each other. It was those times I knew I would make it through.
I suppose everyone has to make their choices, but if you really love someone, the distance won’t stop you. You will learn to overcome the distance in your own special way and you will do as we did. Create your own unique set of memories that you will treasure forever. You will look for the bright side, and hold on to the dream when you will be together.
“Of all the guys in this country, why’d you have to go pick one half way across the world?!”
This was a very common question when people found out I was engaged to someone in the Philippines. It was usually either followed or preceded with the question of how we met.
Well, I think most people can agree that when you are trying to find “the one” it doesn’t really matter how many guys (or girls, whichever the case may be) there are around you, if he isn’t it, he just isn’t it. When you do find him, does it really matter where he is from? If he is just down the road, then that’s great! But if he is 13,000 miles away on another continent, is that going to change the fact that he is “the one” and nobody, regardless of the number of options, can be like him.
If you decide that you want to marry someone is distance really going to stop you? If this person is special enough that you want to marry them and share the rest of your life with them then being apart for a time is a small price to pay. Sure, it’s rough. I would certainly be the first one to agree with that! But you do it because you know that this person is unlike any other. You do it because you know that in time you will eventually be together. And you hold onto that. Isn’t the time apart a rather small price to pay to be married to the man you have waited for, dreamed of?
I don’t know how many people believe in destiny, but I believe that God creates a person for a specific purpose and that if you get married then there is one person on this earth that God created specifically for you. Whose to say God has to make them from the same country?
Anyone who has gone through a long distance relationship, especially an international one, knows the answer to the original question.
“Because there is no one else like him.”
Soooo I’ve just finished my daily routine of trying to drill Tagalog into my poor English thinking and speaking brain. I am bound and determined to learn this, but sometimes I really don’t think I will ever get it! I mean, it can’t be that hard, can it??? I don’t remember English being this hard to learn! Although I guess I did grow up surrounded with it…I have spent so much time trying SO hard to make some progress, but it feels like I am not getting anywhere at all! I walk away from my attempts at learning with a head full of jumbled up words and phrases and ideas that I am trying unsuccessfully to grasp. It must make sense, but I can’t seem to make it make sense to me most of the time! Perhaps sometimes I make progress and I just don’t feel it…..Well I guess I must make some progress if I can answer my husband with, “hindi ko alam” instead of the English….Wohoo!
So far, I think the sentences I have been able to remember the best are ones that I specifically asked my husband to tell me how to say in Tagalog. I know immersion is the best method, but….I live in the United States. In the country. In the South. Not many chances at immersion here. Surely I can can master this somehow, someway. Sometimes I ask my husband to ONLY talk to me in Tagalog all day (Um, except if it’s an emergency of course!). Usually that ends up with him frustrated in trying to get me to understand what he is trying to tell me and me grasping at straw at what he might be saying and hoping that one of the guesses I am throwing out there just might be right. Occasionally I can get what he said from genuinely understanding and putting together and Oh the triumph of that moment! Yes, I get inordinately happy at those moments.
Right now my thoughts are just a jumbled mess of words,mostly pronouns and a couple short sentences…ako…niya…sila…ikaw…nagtutulog siya….kumakain siya….
Is this whole learning a new language even humanly possible without being immersed in it?????
Ok. I’m rambling. I need to stop. Mabuhay!;)
~My Filipino Husband~ 